Gut Check Time
It's been a week since I've posted and I can't say exactly why, but I'm pretty sure that it's because of a downturn I'm experiencing. It doesn't seem so long ago that I felt a sense of euphoria. I've got this down, I thought. The kids were respectful, they were engaged, and most importantly, they were learning.
What originated as two, maybe three-year commitment in my mind was transforming. I'll definitely stay for three to five years, but after that who knows? In the back of my mind I started to toy with the idea of embracing teaching as a career. It was a big, scary, exciting change. And yet, I had found something I enjoyed doing, and seemed to do well.
Lately, I feel that feeling slipping away. Nothing as chaotic as last year takes place in my classroom this year, but there are flashes. I feel the kids tuning out. I see the kids starting to turn on one another. Name-calling, physical aggression and general disrespect seems to be popping up more and more frequently. Perhaps more so than a few unsuccessful lessons, this change in my classroom in especially disheartening.
Overall, I feel like I'm losing control. For starters, I don't think I have control of what I'm teaching these days. It's all Kaplan and NYS ELA Testing and on and on it goes. And with all that my own motivation has suffered. My planning has become somewhat rote and uninspired, and therefore my lessons have exhibited that same mundane quality. Of course, the end result is my students are pushing back and rejecting my teaching. And I don't blame them.
Luckily the test is almost over. Once it's behind me, I hope to get back on track. I hope even the math exam won't throw me off, because I'll find another way to prepare for it. Meanwhile, I have 2 weeks off starting next week, and I hope to regroup, recharge and remember how to do this job right.
What originated as two, maybe three-year commitment in my mind was transforming. I'll definitely stay for three to five years, but after that who knows? In the back of my mind I started to toy with the idea of embracing teaching as a career. It was a big, scary, exciting change. And yet, I had found something I enjoyed doing, and seemed to do well.
Lately, I feel that feeling slipping away. Nothing as chaotic as last year takes place in my classroom this year, but there are flashes. I feel the kids tuning out. I see the kids starting to turn on one another. Name-calling, physical aggression and general disrespect seems to be popping up more and more frequently. Perhaps more so than a few unsuccessful lessons, this change in my classroom in especially disheartening.
Overall, I feel like I'm losing control. For starters, I don't think I have control of what I'm teaching these days. It's all Kaplan and NYS ELA Testing and on and on it goes. And with all that my own motivation has suffered. My planning has become somewhat rote and uninspired, and therefore my lessons have exhibited that same mundane quality. Of course, the end result is my students are pushing back and rejecting my teaching. And I don't blame them.
Luckily the test is almost over. Once it's behind me, I hope to get back on track. I hope even the math exam won't throw me off, because I'll find another way to prepare for it. Meanwhile, I have 2 weeks off starting next week, and I hope to regroup, recharge and remember how to do this job right.
Comments
Luck from MN :)