6 Weeks Down...

This was a short week, and I shudder to think what next week will be like if every day is like the past two. As bad as today was it didn't break me down as badly as I felt last week. Still, I know I cannot continue to teach in a classroom that is this chaotic.

Today was a scene out of every teacher's nightmare. ALP was dancing on top of his desk. Students were throwing paper balls and pencils at one another, passing notes and screaming across the classroom. Needless to say I did not accomplish much. I wasted a period and a half trying to get through my read aloud, a mistake I admit. I need to learn to cut my losses and move on, because when I stick stubbornly to my plan it will never end with a win for me. At best it will be a stalemate.

What's so frustrating is I can't figure out why things go well one day and go so wrong another. I'm trying so hard to reflect on what I'm doing and compare the good days to the bad. But really, I'm completely baffled. All I can really think of is the day and a half that went well was because ALP wasn't acting out. But I can't let my whole class pivot on the behavior of one student.

One thing I did learn this week was what I can and can't say in the classroom. Apparently I can't say heck. Or "I swear to God...". Then of course I accidentally let a "goddamn" slip out late Thursday, about 20 minutes after dismissal. That one I think I already knew. That was a low point and an example of my letting my frustration get the better of me. That's the hardest part I think, is not letting my frustration show and pretending to always be in total control.

So, two days to recharge, regroup and prepare for another week in the trenches.


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