I feel incredibly lost, exhausted and angry all at once. I'm embarrassed and ashamed by the lack of control and discipline in my classroom. I want to break something very badly. I want to forget that this afternoon ever happened.

ALP is being removed from my classroom. I am trying to pick up the pieces from a horrible afternoon. I need to rest and plan for the week ahead. But all my friends are heading to Philadelphia for Homecoming and I'm going to be damned if I stay in NYC to sulk and marinate in my misery. I earned a chance to unwind and a weekend to be with my friends.

I can see now how this profession can easily turn people spiteful and bitter. I feel very angry towards my students right now, but I know they are hardly the ones to blame. I am determined not to let a bad afternoon (not even a bad day) get to me. The kids are acting out, because they want a competent teacher and an effective disciplinarian. Hopefully next week I will take steps towards being that person.


Hugh O'Donnell said…
Hi Ruben! I came across your blog via the comment you left recently on NYC's blog.

I taught in a relatively benign environment (suburban Oregon) and I don't envy inner city teachers. Like I told NYC, I'm in awe.

I grew up in Brooklyn and mid-Long Island, and my wife's from NE Philly, so that's the connection. That and the roots in public education.

I'll be back to catch up and read more. Take care!

Hugh aka Repairman
my man.. like i responded to your comment on my joint, i was encouraging you to see the light through your intentions as a teacher. i can tell by the way you write that you are in it for the right reasons. trust that everything will come into play... empathize with your students... put your feet in their shoes... what kind of teacher would you need to get on track?

big respect to you..
one more thought regarding this post and your post right before this.. you talked about your lessons being boring... use YouTube!! i have found youtube to be an AMAZING educational resource. i try to teach through youtube at least once a week.. if you want, we can build and find ways to incorporate youtube into your lessons.. it switches it up, no doubt!!

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